Tuesday, December 9, 2008

The things I couldn't say

Sometimes, there are just things I can’t write about.

For whoever finds this blog, please send your very best thoughts and wishes to my grandma, whose health has taken a turn for the worse, and to my mom and aunt, who are looking after her.

The women in my family (myself included) tend to have a stubborn streak, to harbor strong opinions, to fight like a lion for those that we love, to be unable to do things in moderation, and to feel that we must never be idle because there is always a meal that needs to be cooked or a tub that needs to be scrubbed. All of this stems from grandma, and for 93 years, she’s been going strong. Recently, she’s had to slow down a lot though. On Friday afternoon she suffered a series of strokes or seizures or both, and now we’re all having to come to terms with the fact that things aren’t going to be the same anymore.

I still can’t really say or write the things that are going on in my head. Auntie is the one who’s probably sorting it all out and writing it into one of her poems that sums up everything and makes us all smile even though we’re kind of crying at the same time too.

I keep remembering that when I was in second grade, I had to do this art project where the teacher gave us the beginning of a sentence and we had to complete the thought by drawing a picture. The phrases were things like, “It makes me happy when…” or “My favorite food to eat is…” One of the phrases was, “Sometimes I cry when…” I finished it off by writing, “when its time to leave Grandma and Grandpa’s house.” I drew a picture of Grandma, her hair red (rather than the blonde she always insisted she was) and Grandpa, with his cap on, standing in front of the barn with their dog Tasha. It doesn’t really feel like it was more than 20 years ago that I drew that picture.

At any rate, I can’t really write or draw these days. I’m only posting this with the hopes that anyone who reads it will take a moment to send a thought or prayer or wish—whatever you call it—to my grandma. I know it works, because the love and energy that people have sent to me during tough times have gotten me through a lot.



Anonymous said...

"GLUE".. she is our "GLUE" for sure, but now it's OUR turn to keep it all together.......... sooooooo, love and prayers and LOTS of TUB SCRUBBING will be OUR glue,,, we'll all make it somehow...... luv you, luv you, hang there, mama

Anonymous said...

Such beautiful thoughts ... thank you for writing ... keep in mind that Grandma may already be 'advising' the staff about their various duties ... and they will be saying 'okay' just as we have done! seems strangely quiet here today.
much love, auntie

Anonymous said...


I also have such happy memories of your Grandma. I use to stay at your grandma and grandpa's home with your Mom. What fun we had!!!! I always remember your Grandma yelling up the stairs, ( Nancy and Patsy ) its time to get up for shool!!! And, loved listening to your Auntie play the piano. Lots of happy memories.
Hard to watch our loved ones come to this stage of their life. But, if anyone can deal with it, it will be your Grandma. Especially with the love and support of her two daughters.
Thinking of you all, Pat

Logan's Mama said...

Well said. Couldn't have said it better. Thank you and Amen.

amypfan said...

Sending much love and prayers to you, Michelle, Momsy, Auntie, and of course, Grandma. You are quite the group of tough ladies. Please keep us posted. If there is anything I can do, even if it's just listen, don't hesitate. Love you!